Scientific "Jokes"

Ageotas · 19th June 2011, 6:18 PM

Hello fellow OCAUers!

I was curious if any of you had come across any good scientific jokes in your wanderings either through the internet, through lectures, or just life itself. I am hoping to put together a decent list of amusing anecdotes for a series of public lectures I will be giving over the next year. Now, I want to clarify what I mean by "jokes"; first of all, I'm not talking about "an atom walks into a bard and says 'I think I just lost an electron' ..." jokes. In fact, if a bar is involved, the joke had better be particularly exemplary. I am looking for jokes that people would actually find amusing, rather than "groan-worthy". In fact, they may not be jokes at all, they might be anecdotal stories that cause a giggle, or an amusing way of explaining things.

Ultimately, the joke has to satisfy two parameters: It must be funny (which is obviously relative), and it must demonstrate a scientific point. Using humour to explain something is a GREAT way to ensure the audience remembers the point you are trying to make. As far as disciplines of science go, I am eager to hear from ALL walks of life, from Astronomy to Geology and everything in between.

Ageotas · 19th June 2011, 6:43 PM

I am more than happy to start off with two that I have used before to great success, one short and one long:

Quote:

A tachyon walks out of a bar.

To which the tachyon doesn't respond.

The bartender says "Can I help you?"

A tachyon walks into a bar.

I love this one (even though it violates my own no-bar policy) because it forces people to stop and think, reconstruct the joke in a sensible manner, and then realise that the tachyon doesn't travel forwards in time in our relativistic frame of reference.

The other is a story, or more importantly, was the unique interaction between a BRILLIANT particle physicist that I had the pleasure of working with for a short while. He was attempting to demonstrate the number of ways that you can look for information, and how sometimes we overlook the simplest ones.

Quote:

The room was full of students, postgrads, and some professors, all from different parts of the department of physics. To get a gauge of the room, the Professor thought it would be best to learn whether the general areas of expertise lay in experimental physics, or theoretical physics.

"Put up your left hand if you are experimental, and your right hand if you are theroetical physicist*."

To his dismay, half the hands were left, the other half were right, and a small group toward the back had both their hands up.

"This is ok, we can work with this. First, I want you to imagine that there is a box, and inside this box, is a cat. Veeeery famous experiment, yes?"

To illustrate his point, he draws a wire-frame cube on the board, and inside it he inscribes the outline of a sitting cat. His ability to draw an anatomically correct cat was remarkable, especially in such a short amount of time. At this point, he is facing the half of the room with the experimental physicists (and Thor forbid that experimental and physical should mix). Next to the cat he draws a circle.

"Here we have box, yes? And in box we have cat. For experimental physicist we have normal cat, for theoretical physicist we have spherical cat."

When the laughter of the room had died down, I knew that this was going to be a very good seminar.

*It helps if you read this with a thick Moscow accent.

Hyram · 19th June 2011, 8:05 PM

Two cesium atoms were taking a stroll along some of the neighbourhood's better conductive back-channels when an unruly iodine barreled out of nowhere, collided with one and narrowly missing the other before racing back the way they came without so much as a by-your-leave. The two cesiums were getting their state back together when suddenly the first one started to oscillate in dismay.
"My god! I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"

An in-joke among some computer scientists is that quantum computing could be used to effectively implement a bogosort with a time complexity of O(n). It uses true quantum randomness to randomly permute the list. The list is then inspected, and if it is not in order, the universe is destroyed. By the many-worlds interpretation of quantum physics, the quantum randomization spawns 2N (where N is the number of random qubits) universes and one of these will be such that this single shuffle had produced the list in sorted order. The sad thing is, someone will point out that there is insufficient quantum storage in the entire multiverse to hold just one list, let alone the lists of all 2N universes.

Which just proves there's always one who is willing to Rainer on your parade.

Kitler · 19th June 2011, 10:29 PM

Whisper · 19th June 2011, 11:46 PM

This was my contribution in another thread that had some sciency jokes in it http://forums.overclockers.com.au/sh...d.php?t=832744

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whisper

There were 3 baseball umpires who happened to also be physicists discussing how they call the play.

The Newtonian Physicist says, "I call them as I sees em."
The Einsteinian Physicist says, "I call them as they really are."
The Quantum Physicist says, "They ain't nuthin till I calls em!"

RatcHeT-x · 24th June 2011, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitler

image

Is that kind of joke even legal?

Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

JoJoker · 24th June 2011, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitler

image

Does laughing at this make me a nerd?

RatcHeT-x · 24th June 2011, 10:39 PM

If so, then count me in.

Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
A: From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.

Dommo · 9th July 2011, 10:11 AM

Click to view full size!

I always thought this was quite funny.

gumdrops2006 · 9th July 2011, 10:18 AM

This might be lame but I'll give it a shot.

So on the weekend I was reading a book about anti-gravity. I gotta admit, it was pretty hard to put down.

Alessiman · 9th July 2011, 2:59 PM

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An Abelian grape!

25 years since i stepped into a Maths Lecture and this is a the only thing i remember from my time at Uni

Ageotas · 9th July 2011, 4:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alessiman

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An Abelian grape!

25 years since i stepped into a Maths Lecture and this is a the only thing i remember from my time at Uni

I laughed out loud at this one, and immediately told my friend and colleague who also loved it! :P

This is exactly my point! You remember the personal connections that your lecturers make, and if you can tie in humour with concepts you will remember them forever. (I hope you remember at least a little bit about Abelian Groups ^^)

Zylatis · 9th July 2011, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An Abelian grape!

25 years since i stepped into a Maths Lecture and this is a the only thing i remember from my time at Uni

I heard the non-commuting (non-abelian) version of this joke and told a friend, it went like this

Q:What's purple and doesn't commute
A: A beaten housewife.

Laughter ensued. I'm a terrible person, but i don't care.

HeXa · 9th July 2011, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zylatis

I heard the non-commuting (non-abelian) version of this joke and told a friend, it went like this

Q:What's purple and doesn't commute
A: A beaten housewife.

Laughter ensued. I'm a terrible person, but i don't care.

this is funny

the rest of thread is just nerd speak

XKCD is gawd... if in doubt, quote his highness

fabricator · 9th July 2011, 11:52 PM

Dihydrogen Monoxide

google that term if you don't get the joke.

19th June 2011, 6:18 PM	#1
Ageotas Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 150	Scientific "Jokes" Hello fellow OCAUers! I was curious if any of you had come across any good scientific jokes in your wanderings either through the internet, through lectures, or just life itself. I am hoping to put together a decent list of amusing anecdotes for a series of public lectures I will be giving over the next year. Now, I want to clarify what I mean by "jokes"; first of all, I'm not talking about "an atom walks into a bard and says 'I think I just lost an electron' ..." jokes. In fact, if a bar is involved, the joke had better be particularly exemplary. I am looking for jokes that people would actually find amusing, rather than "groan-worthy". In fact, they may not be jokes at all, they might be anecdotal stories that cause a giggle, or an amusing way of explaining things. Ultimately, the joke has to satisfy two parameters: It must be funny (which is obviously relative), and it must demonstrate a scientific point. Using humour to explain something is a GREAT way to ensure the audience remembers the point you are trying to make. As far as disciplines of science go, I am eager to hear from ALL walks of life, from Astronomy to Geology and everything in between. __________________ The Gentleman Buccaneer - Astrophysicist, Gamer, and Geek Paper #1 - Consecutive Bright Pulses in the Vela Pulsar Paper #2 - Coming Soon! Last edited by Ageotas; 19th June 2011 at 8:50 PM.

24th June 2011, 10:39 PM	#8
RatcHeT-x Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Brisbane, AU Posts: 347	If so, then count me in. Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet? A: From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive. __________________ OCAU // Drummer Club # [35]

9th July 2011, 10:11 AM	#9
Dommo Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Melbourne Posts: 542	Click to view full size! I always thought this was quite funny. Last edited by Dommo; 9th July 2011 at 10:15 AM.

9th July 2011, 2:59 PM	#11
Alessiman Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Melbourne Posts: 690	Q: What's purple and commutes? A: An Abelian grape! 25 years since i stepped into a Maths Lecture and this is a the only thing i remember from my time at Uni __________________ http://www.henrylouey.com/

19th June 2011, 8:05 PM	#3
Hyram Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 717	Two cesium atoms were taking a stroll along some of the neighbourhood's better conductive back-channels when an unruly iodine barreled out of nowhere, collided with one and narrowly missing the other before racing back the way they came without so much as a by-your-leave. The two cesiums were getting their state back together when suddenly the first one started to oscillate in dismay. "My god! I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" An in-joke among some computer scientists is that quantum computing could be used to effectively implement a bogosort with a time complexity of O(n). It uses true quantum randomness to randomly permute the list. The list is then inspected, and if it is not in order, the universe is destroyed. By the many-worlds interpretation of quantum physics, the quantum randomization spawns 2N (where N is the number of random qubits) universes and one of these will be such that this single shuffle had produced the list in sorted order. The sad thing is, someone will point out that there is insufficient quantum storage in the entire multiverse to hold just one list, let alone the lists of all 2N universes. Which just proves there's always one who is willing to Rainer on your parade.

19th June 2011, 10:29 PM	#4
Kitler Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Geelong Posts: 2,480

9th July 2011, 10:18 AM	#10
gumdrops2006 Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 1,053	This might be lame but I'll give it a shot. So on the weekend I was reading a book about anti-gravity. I gotta admit, it was pretty hard to put down.