Salrad

Discussion in 'Geek Recipes' started by glasnt, Nov 10, 2010.

  1. glasnt

    glasnt Member

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    Salad.

    Yes, salad.

    You know, the green stuff?

    You get 'salad' on a burger.. which is usually lettuce, a scrap of tomato, maybe some onion if the ache-ridden teen in the sweatkitchen at the back feels like it.

    You can get 'salad' at many pubs and restaurants, you know, the garnish on your chicken schnitzel, which may be lettuce, and a fuckton of watered down vinigerette?

    Well, let me show you the new salad: Salrad.

    Salrad should be pronounced 'Sad-RAD!', as in "Salad that is Radical!", because it is. It is the best thing since.. well.. ever!


    INGREDIENTS


    Lettuce

    The green stuff. The rabbit food. You can get Cos lettuce or you can get normal lettuce.. or you can get loose lettuce, which is a combination of butter lettuce, cos, normal, and even purple varieties! These usually retail between $13-$20/kg at vege shops, but you don't need a lot by weight, just grab a handful per person. WASH THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LETTUCE BEFORE SERVING. Get a lettuce washing machine if you need, but wash the fuckers. Don't ruin a salrad by finding a stone or dirt or half a caterpillar in your green.


    Tomato

    The red stuff. Usually you find the big ones, or the ones still on vines, or the egg shaped 'Roma' variety. What you need to get is 'Cherry' or 'Grape' tomatoes, whatever is in season. From between $2-$4/punnet, you get a few dozen of these babies. Unless your salrad consumers have no teeth, don't cut or quarter the baby tomatoes. Keep them whole, and let them pop their sweet goodness when you stick your fork in them and stuff them in your mouth.


    Cucumber

    The green phallus. The cucumber saw a rise in popularity at the grocer when teens and young adults thought it was hilarious to purchase this vegetable in combination with lubricant, condoms, and or coathangers. You can usually find a few different types of cucumber, usually continental (long, thin, covered in plastic), or Lebanese (shorter, thicker, no plastic). I prefer using the latter, but if they aren't in season, the former is ok. In preparing these, if you aren't a fan of the skin, try half-peeling them, so you have a stripe of skin/non-skin going around the vege. Slice thinly, and half if you can't handle the girth.


    Carrot

    The orange stuff. What is up, doctor. This vege has vitamins and junk, but it's crunchy and tasty to boot. If you haven't yet tried this popular ranga vege, I suggest you try it. You can unch-crunch to your hearts content, and be a better person for it. And probably have more friends too. I prefer to cut this into wheels, as opposed to grating, as the grated carrot tends to dry out quicker. After peeling of course.


    Capsicum

    The not-chilli stuff. Capcisum, also known as 'bell pepper' or just 'peppers' in the United States of Boring Salad, these suckers come in multiple colours, namely green, red, yellow, yellowy orange, kinda orange, half and half green and red, and permuations of the above. This is a very fresh crisp vege, with more water content than carrot, and tasty to boot. To prepare, discard the seeds, and chop into managable pieces. I prefer about 2cmx2cm, or that added surface area of awesome.



    OPTIONAL, BUT DELECTABLE EXTRAS

    Avocado

    The squishy green stuff. Avo may only be known to you mixed with thickened soured cream and called Guaca-MOLEY!. But, it's actually pretty good on it's own. Full of good fats and stuff. With this vege, don't use it unless it's in season, and you find a good specimin. Many a time I've had a salrad fall below par due to inferior avocado. Avos should be firm, yet squishy, nice and fresh to smell, and preferably no bruises. You prepare this baby like a mango: Being aware there's a big fuck-off seed in the middle, gently cut around the seed along the longer sides of the sucker, twist to separate the sides. Using a decent knife, give the seed a good bang so your knife is stuck in it, a quarter turn to the left (or right, usually) should dislodge the sucker from it's squishy cavity. Remove the embedded seed, then made cuts into the flesh, careful not to cut the skin, both vertically and hoizontally, and remove the segments with a spoon.


    Olive

    The.. well.. olive stuff. Olives are awesome. They can be pressed into olive oil, but the whole specimen is tasty. I prefer green olives myself, but you can't readily find fresh pitted unfilled green olives (except at Harris Farms), so I end up having to settle for the kalamata variety. You should buy these pre-pitted, so tucking into your salrad doesn't end in Sore-tooth City. You don't need a lot, just about half a dozen per person.

    Bocconcini

    The cheesy stuff. You know how you get pizza, right? And you get the stringy yellow cheese stuff with all the oil and what not? Well, mozzerella can be yellow, or it can be white, stored in brine. Bocconcini is the baby version of this, also stored in brine. Again, you don't need much of these, maybe half a dozen or so for each person. Depending if you can find the baby baby ones, you might need to cut up your cheesy goodness, into manageable pieces.

    Bean sprouts

    On occasion, I like to add some sort of salad bean into the salrad. Be it alfalfa sprouts, mungbeans, or bean sprouts, they make a crunchy fibrous addition to the mix.


    PREPARATION

    If you read each paragraph, you shouldn't need to know how to prepare each vege. However, if you haven't go back and check. Done? Ok. Once you have each vege wahed/peeled/diced/sliced/prepared in whatever which way, throw them all into a bowl and toss it about.

    No, not that kind of toss. Get a spoon or, heaven forbid you actually have salad tongs, shuffle the different ingredients together, so you don't have all your veges in separate areas of the bowl.


    SERVING

    Plonk it on your serving implement, be it bowl, plate, whatever.


    CONSUMPTION

    Stab at it with a fork, and shove it in your face. It's fucking tasty.



    CONCLUSION

    Get some vege into you. This is an awesome way to do it.


    BELATED PICTURE

    [​IMG]

    This had added mushroom. That's a fungus that tastes awesome. You can make gravy out of it, but WASH THE FUCKER.
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2010
  2. SaMbO

    SaMbO Member

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    Dr. Karl (of triple J fame) once said (he may have been quoting someone else though) there are only two things you can't have too much of, sex and vegetables.

    mmm potatoes!

    err...

    and i just found a new quote for my sig! legend dude!
     
  3. Amfibius

    Amfibius Member

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    No salrad dressing, glasnt? :)
     
  4. OP
    OP
    glasnt

    glasnt Member

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    Hell no! There is no reason you need any dressing to improve the taste of the salad. Fresh fruit and vege don't need additives to be tasty.


    But if you *have* to have dressing, I'd suggest something like a bit of good balsamic and good olive oil. Don't slop mayo or thickened white stuff all over it, it'll just undo all the good healthy freshness on your plate!
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2010
  5. Dano.

    Dano. Member

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    What's... green?
     
  6. Ingy

    Ingy Member

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    best and easiest dressing is mixing up a bit of balsamic vinegar with a good olive oil!

    Drizzle that on baby!
     
  7. FarZK

    FarZK Member

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    I could eat greek salad forever. GOD DAMN GREEK SALAD IS GOOD
     
  8. Ingy

    Ingy Member

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    Yea it is. Im not a huge fan of big chunks of tomato though. Il generally plop in some cherry tomatoes in mine. Even half them.
     
  9. --B--

    --B-- Member

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    yep, it has to have a nice balsamic dressing

    or a little garlic, lemon juice and olive oil with S&P is another nice combo

    trick is not to drown it in dressing

    im a big fan of salrad
     
  10. --B--

    --B-- Member

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    oh and on the olives too

    im sure ive heard the unpitted types are best for flavour and all round appeal

    quick tip for those using unpitted: to quickly prep them for any dish simply squash them with the flat side of a knife like you do with garlic and youve got a pitted olive in no time.
     
  11. Daft_Munt

    Daft_Munt Member

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    Salrad without garlic or onion :(
     
  12. OP
    OP
    glasnt

    glasnt Member

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    Onion free household at the moment. Without restriction, though, I'm not a huge raw onion in salad fan, but I love my garlic/onon combo in stocks and soups and stirfrys, etc.
     
  13. pugsley

    pugsley Member

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    Caramelise the onion and let cool then (Sparingly, as its now a pretty powerful taste) sprinkle over the salad. Sweet sweet onion flavour without rank onion breath.

    "You dont make friends with salad" Should read "You dont make friends with crap salad" ;)
     
  14. Daft_Munt

    Daft_Munt Member

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    Spanish/red onion goes well depending on the dressing. My standard is mustard, balsamic and olive oil with a few cloves of garlic.
     
  15. HumbleBum

    HumbleBum Member

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  16. dav3

    dav3 Member

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    spring onion works well, not as harsh as real onions
     
  17. OP
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    glasnt

    glasnt Member

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    Serving Suggestion:

    [​IMG]

    This has added mushroom, which wanted to get to the front of the group shot, so you can't see much of the other stuff. What a photowhore.

    Those are large dinner plates, loaded with salad. That was my dinner, along with some perch panfried with a bit of butter. Fucking tasty.
     
  18. Daft_Munt

    Daft_Munt Member

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    If you have the space growing your own lettuce is a piece of piss and saves some $$$.
     
  19. OP
    OP
    glasnt

    glasnt Member

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    We've only got balcony space, but that's already got parsley, strawberries, chilli, and other herbs. :D
     
  20. pugsley

    pugsley Member

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    Lettuce doesnt need a heap of room. They could fit nicely in a pot like this...

    [​IMG]
     

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